A new chapter…

May 10, 2010 at 3:51 PM (Rambles)

This morning I woke up with a weird feeling surfacing inside me. Don’t quite know how to describe it but I just laid down and stared at the wall, thinking of nothing in particular but just having this strange sense of relief plus weirdness travel through me. A lot of things has been running through my mind last night but I’m glad some are sorted through. Some, well I guess will be left unanswered and the rest will just remain unchanged until I finally deal with it.

Baffles me how things turn out this way, everything just happened so bloody fast. There isn’t time to breathe, to take a step back and say ‘hey where am I or how did I get here?’ And before you know it things just switch back and forth, no warnings, no gatekeeping, no nothing. Well as the saying goes, things that come fast won’t last and things that go slow will eventually grow. I guess it makes sense in every way, you’ve got to slowly earn what you want and there is never an easy way out.  But not all things are easy, they are hard and life is indeed hard. Sometimes it may chuck poison at you leaving you no choice but to deal, look for the best exit route and take it… try to cure that poison.

There are many angles to everything, all you have to do is look for the right angle, study it and see the happiness and good that it can offer, away from all the darkness and sadness on the other side. If things doesn’t turn out, there has to be a reason why. It may not present itself right now but I’m sure in time it sure will reveal itself. By then you will look back and say, ‘hey now it makes perfect sense.’

I woke up this morning feeling something is not the same anymore … something has changed. Today I woke up feeling like a huge part of me is missing, like I’ve lost something special… and its a shame because that journey ended before it even started. Today I woke up knowing that there is no going back to what once was. I stared at the wall, closed my eyes, stared deep into my soul and told myself to be strong and to be someone I will be proud of. A promise to myself that tears is never the comfort zone to fall back onto, but it will be a reminder that I’ve not done enough and I should push forward with more force and strive to fulfill my expectations. A new chapter in life, a fresh start, a new beginning. I’m afraid, alone and terrified to bits but what makes you fear will only make you stronger!

Xxoo

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