June 3, 2010 at 11:01 AM (Rambles)

Quote of the day:

It is only the great men who are truly obscene. If they had not dared to be obscene, they could never have dared to be great. – Havelock Ellis

Currently playing: American Town – Five For Fighting, Still standing – Hilltop Hoods, Too serious Too soon – Gareth Gates, Soul to Squeeze – Red Hot Chilli Peppers, I’ve Got You – McFly, Obviously – McFly

Good morning….. Mmmm hope the day plays out a lil better…. My wake up call was a pain and stiffness to my jaw and behind my ear. I have a strong feeling it is my wisdom tooth growing out of place. Should consult dentist soon and pray hard it isn’t the wisdom teeth and pray a lil harder that a surgery is not an option to be considered.

Two days ago, I braved myself for a change and went to do something I would never in years ever consider doing. Well it may not seem like much to people out there but anyone who knows me personally well will know how big a deal this is for me. To face my fear of needles. Basically I pumped myself up, procrastination I had a few in my head but staying strong I went ahead with it. I went for acupunture and I lived to tell the tale =)

I psyched myself into thinking of anywhere but there, I basically lied to my brains that i’m not in pain and that it doesn’t hurt. Well most of the needles that went through didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would be. The rest, hell it was torture. I guess those were the sensitive spots.  I practially cringed, gripping tight. One thing about acupuncture, when it hurts remember to speak out because the doctor will actually adjust the needles to make it not hurt at all. So well after all needles were in, he attached this wires to jolt the blood flow at my lower back, like electricity current. Gosh it did feel numbingly uncomfortable but I knew I had to bear with it if I want my back to get better.

Yesterday I found out that there is a home for young Malay girls who are pregnant. Up to date, there are 18 girls in that house, all pregnant and all disowned by their family members. When I heard that, I felt so much sadness and compassion for them that I could not stop thinking about it. I mean c’mon, to disown your own daughter through probably the toughest time of her life? Seriously? What kind of parents are you? Some girls there asked for it, had affairs or pre-marital sex, but isn’t getting pregnant punishment enough? Some of them though are rape cases. Raped and disowed by their family out of pure shame and religion. Damn it, this is bloody unaccpetable. These victims should be loved more and given full support by their family especially after a traumatizing unfortunate time. Gosh, emotions are boiling up in me now, so unsettling and forceful, praying for them to be alright. Wonder if those rape victims ever go into depression and might want to commit suicide from the hurt, sadness and pressure of it all.

Later today, I’m going out with a friend to buy stuff they might need. Like milk or other girly stuff they might need. Helping them makes me feel a little better I guess but again I still can’t settle knowing that one can just give up your own daughter. Your own flesh and blood, the one you made out of love and one whom you loved so very much. Don’t know why but all these makes me afraid for the future. Afraid of how I might end up or turn out, so many baffling questions.

Anyway after talking to the doctor, a friend and some research on google, my tummy and back pain symptoms point to this thing called Endometriosis.

The most common symptoms of Endometriosis are:

  • Pain before and during periods
  • Pain with intercourse
  • General, chronic pelvic pain throughout the month
  • Low back pain
  • Heavy and/or irregular periods
  • Painful bowel movements, especially during menstruation
  • Painful urination during menstruation
  • Fatigue
  • Infertility
  • Diarrhoea or constipation

Though I don’t have all the symptoms but most are there. It is caused by blood clotting at the uterus which may lead to serious repercussions in future, like for example when I get married and want to have kids. The blood clot will also eventually block the flow of eggs and thus will have hormonal imbalance as well. I freaked out as I was reading and well I’m keeping fingers crossed that I don’t have Endometriosis, coz if I do it means operation for me to remove the clot which is so not good. For now, I’m going to pray the acupunture and chinese medication works and it clears the blood naturally. Fingers crossed I won’t feel pain no more in a few months.

I’ve set my mind to move towards change. A change towards everything in my life. Changes that gets me pumped up with adrenaline rush, making me feel proud and good about myself. A boost of confidence  eh? That’s what I need in abundance. First fear – needles done. Well not done completely but at least now I know I can do it and just chance it next time around again because it wasn’t such a bad experience after all. Next up is still in deliberation.

Anyway I should stop talking about nonsensical stuff now… Ta!!

Warm hugs of love all round


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