Smize

October 13, 2010 at 7:18 PM (Rambles)

Recently I’ve been procrastinating with my blog. At times I would want to log in and write but just as I’m about to some kind of external force stops me from proceeding. I think I just needed some time to get over the stubborn bad mojo which was unfortunately stuck within me… I know it may be hard for you all to understand if you don’t know me that well but that phase is finally over and done with, now time for reinvention and inspiration.

I’ve been asking myself everyday about life… how to make it more meaningful and inspiring… how to appreciate the little things more… how to love with my heart and not my mind or eyes… so many questions in my mind but only one troubling voice speaking out to me from within ‘do something Brenda, make a change’ All I do is stare back at the voice repressing it because I’m afraid. Afraid because I’m not capable of this huge calling. Afraid that I might let myself down. Thus I repress it, hoping that one day a door might just manifest right before my very eyes, urging me to open and step through it… and that’s where I will start, where I will begin.

The past few months I’ve been watching the world through curious eyes, amazed how the everyday things around me that people take for granted never fails to leave me in awe. As I am writing this blog now, there will be at least two people around the world dying, being born, winning the lottery, having the crappiest day, falling in love and falling out of love. I chose the number two not because it is based on statistics or facts but because the number one is too lonely and three is a crowd. If I were to use bigger figures it might just seem preposterous. There are many examples out there to be used on what is happening to people around the world right this very moment but I liked what I’ve chosen. Seems to have a balance. Close your eyes and clear your mind. Tell me what you think is happening to other people around the world now. Well thats what ran through my mind when I closed mine.

My mother has been actively helping out at a hospice for cancer patients and trust me when I say this job is not for the easily grossed out, impatient and the faint-hearted. It takes courage to look the patient and their family members in the eye and tell them that everything will be alright when everyone knows otherwise. Most of these patients are poor, single parents who now, because of this disease depend on their young ones to look after them. It is sad I know, but it is amazing what people will do despite being pushed back to the end of the tunnel. Strong people I know and heard stories of will rise up to light a candle for themselves, digging and crawling their way back out of the tunnel once more. These people, who have been through the hardships of life, who never give up and who push through no matter how tough life is are the people who inspire me. They inspire me to write, to feel love, empathy, sympathy, they inspire me to do do do and not procrastinate. I found my passion for life again. My passion for writing. The fire which was dimmed within me for the past few months has slowly been shining again. Burning brighter with each inch of inspiration which touches me and every ounce of passion which envelopes me in a cocoon of warmth. You know life won’t get you where you want to go if you just sit around and wait for the door to materialize in front of you… Life is no Wizard of Oz where Dorothy opens the door and follows the yellow brick road. Reality is that everyone has the key to their dreams. The trick is to look for the right door, open it and pave your own yellow brick road.

I hope I will find at least one thing which inspires me everyday, reminding me of the reason why I’m doing what I am now. Refueling when needed. Doing things that I’ve been intending to but never gotten around to. Why wait when I can do it today even? Yes a list is going to be written up and don’t worry you will be posted and notified. =)

Today I’ve been inspired by a pianist whose five year old daughter died of cancer. Throughout their fighting moments battling with the big C, the pianist sat by her daughter’s bedside and played her beautiful tunes on her piano. Beautiful music which I’m sure helped them through the grueling process, painting her daughter’s world with music. So today on my list I’m determined, motivated and inspired to learn a new song on the piano every week. Okay, what better time then to start now?

oh and remember, when your forty plus muscles are too tired to enable you to smile, don’t worry just smile with your eyes… 1,2,3 SMIZE!!

Adious… Much love..

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